long distance

  Full Disclaimer: The photo above is missing 3 nephews and 2 nieces. I will be capturing photos of them all when Robert and I visit Israel in May!

“It’s 5:15am. It will be raining and a high of 31 degrees in Philadelphia today.” I quickly snatch my phone off the bedside table and press dismiss on the alarm. As my eyes start to focus, I notice I have two new messages in my WhatsApp group labeled “Pachino Family.” I click it and see a smiling faced baby girl wrapped in a warm, cuddly looking blanket. My heart melts and sighs at the same time. Chaviva, is the latest addition to the Pachino clan. I haven’t met her yet. She, and the rest of my nine incredible nieces and nephews live 6000 miles away in the beautiful country of Israel. As I turn on the hot water to start my shower, I stare back at Chaviva and I ask myself Why am I living in America?

This is a question I ask myself every day, and it’s not because I don’t love my life. I seriously LOVE my life. I am totally obsessed with the great city of Philadelphia and all it offers. I have established an amazing community that feels more like family. Don’t even get me started on how awesome my clients are. And above all, Robert is here. Yet, with each and every passing day, my heart breaks a little more.

They are there and I am here. It is as simple as that. They are there and I am here. They are having birthdays that I can’t blow up balloons for. They are starring in school plays that I cannot clap loudly at and they are having dance parties that I cannot dress up for. They are celebrating holidays, passing milestones with flying colors, learning, playing and living their life there, in Israel. And I am here, in Philadelphia. How can I live like this?

There is nothing like the love you feel as an Aunt. When Shira, the oldest of the nine, was born, I was head over heels in love. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Hard and fast. There she was, all tiny and cute. As the seventeen year old high school senior, I was terrified of holding her. I had the immense fear that I was going to drop her, break her or even just make her cry. With one look, Shira stole my heart and I have never been the same.

With each child born, my heart grows bigger and bigger. I don’t think words can really explain the joy and happiness these nine humans and their cute little faces bring me. Watching them find the magic in the world is irreplaceable. Seeing the bits and pieces of my sisters that appear in these children is remarkable . Hearing them call me “Aunt Yael” is music to my ears and I miss them more and more every day.

I am lucky that we are living in such a globalized world. With just the click of a button, I can see them, hear them and be a digital presence in their life. I get daily updates, weekly pictures and I know my sisters and brother-in-laws are doing everything they can to make me feel like 6000 miles is really not that far. I know that I belong in Philadelphia and they belong in Israel. I know that they will never forget me and I will always be there in spirit. I know that I deserve to go after my dreams and they deserve to live out theirs. I know that our bond is stronger than long distance and time zones. I know that no one will replace me and I will be the proudest aunt no matter how far away I am.

So, as I take one more look at Chaviva’s photo before I head out into the rain and off to my first meeting of the day, I sigh. I am happy here. I can’t move to Israel. That just has to be good enough. For now, I get to count down the days til Robert and I go to see them in May. For now, I get to show off all the smiling photos I get via WhatsApp and for now, I get to laugh at every email that my older nieces send me. I live in Philadelphia, they live in Israel and waking up to pictures of a happy, cuddly Chaviva isn’t too shabby.

Photo Credit: Rachel Abramowitz

“Call me when you get there” Robert, my boyfriend of exactly 58 days, said as he closed the trunk of my 2010 KIA SOUL. We walked hand in hand to the front of the car.

I nodded. I couldn’t get myself to say anything. This past summer has been a whirlwind. Between leaving my cushy job, moving away from the state I had called home for 22 years and meeting the best human a girl could ask for; I was overwhelmed by the thirty different emotions I was feeling all at once.

I was taking a leap of faith into the unknown, which, if you knew me, wasn’t something I often did. I like to be in control. I like to understand, process and execute. But this time, there was no processing. This time there was definitely no real understanding. And this time, there was only executing. I went with my gut and my gut was now completely terrified.

“We are going to be ok. I know it” Robert said as he pulled me into a big hug. He brushed the hair away from my face. All I could do was nod again. I was on my way to Western Massachusetts for ten months and as I stood there in Philadelphia, staring into Robert’s deep, gorgeous blue eyes, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember why I was going. Robert let go and turned to open the car door.  I should stay I thought.

He gave me a big smile, nudged me to the front seat “let’s go, you need to hit the road and start your adventure already” he said with his award winning smile.

He was right. Robert is always right (don’t tell him I said that).

I had to go. I had this incredible opportunity and I wouldn’t let it go to waste. Hallmark Institute of Photography was waiting for me and I wouldn’t let my fears and insecurities get in the way. I promised myself I would get everything I could out of this experience. I promised myself I would give this a real shot. I promised  myself I was going to live photography, breath photography and do nothing but think about photography…and maybe the gorgeous, blue-eyed, law student who was waiting for me back in Philadelphia.

I was giving myself ten months. Ten months to go outside my comfort zone, move to New England and see if I got what it takes. Ten months to fall even more deeply in love with the art of Photography. Ten months to figure out how the heck to start a business and if I could make this entrepreneurial thing work. In the grand scheme of things, ten months was nothing and I owed it to myself and to my soul to go up there, to freezing cold Massachusetts and give this photography thing one hundred and fifty percent.

So with tears falling down my face and with my Google Maps calmly telling me to make a left onto Girard in 200 feet. I gave Robert one last hug and slowly, climbed in to the car.

“Ok. I am ready”  I said turning on the car and starting the ignition.

“It’s only ten months. We got this!” Robert said.

“We got this” I repeated.  He closed the door and stood back. I put the car in drive.  Looked out my window at Robert. He waved. I pulled out of his drive way. Robert was still standing there. I looked back one last time before turning onto Girard. He was still standing there…and with that I was on my way.

To be continued…

Missed Part 1 & 2? Don’t Worry! You can catch up here!

How YPP Began Part II

How YPP Began Part I

Want to keep reading?

How YPP Began Part IV